Awkward Endings.

It's been a week of awkward endings..... First Mr Vanilla. He took it worse than I thought he would, thinking that if I didn't feel the chemistry he wouldn't either (isn't it a two way thing?!). He was very upset, and at my suggestion of pursuing a friendship instead as I genuinely do enjoy his company in a platonic way, again he wasn't in agreement.
Fast forward 3 days.... I was going for my monthly ayurvedic massage, same guy, same clinic, different ending. I had obviously noticed he was gay, and when tonights massage got a little more sensual than before, and I didn't object, I let him take me all the way so to speak. But what is in the moment a very happy ending to a lovely hour and a half, is actually rather awkward 15 seconds later. Being the first time this has happened to me I wasn't sure how to act after; are you meant to acknowledge it? Tip? I chose to pretend like nothing happened.

Citizen Kane.

Chimie Phisique

As it has been sung, over and over, romance comes down to chemistry. It doesn't matter how good someone is on paper, and how strong that initial physical attraction was, if the chemistry wasn't there on day 1, it ain't coming!! So after 6-7 weeks of seeing Mr Vanilla, I've realised that spark in the bedroom just isn't getting any stronger, and my attentions are wondering. So much so that before I get round to seeing him Friday, to break the news... I already have another date lined up Thursday evening! Now, with this guy there is SUPER chemistry. I saw him a couple of weeks ago in a bar and couldn't stop looking at him, with these glowing spirited eyes, and a smile that took over all his face. Then this Thursday, fate would have him out for drinks with a group of friends, one of whom I know very well. He introduced us, and literally in the space of 5 seconds we were engaged in forget-everyone-else-in-the-room conversation for half an hour... Until I remembered that I was actually there with Mr Vanilla, waiting for me at the bar like the lovely, sweet little puppy he is. Sweet and boring. The next day a little facebook stalking, with the help of our mutual friend, and we were FB friends too, and planning our drinks for this week. I am looking forward to some hot passionate kissing, and then some! Oh yes.

Citizen Kane.

Fertile Land.

Tuesday night I went to see the wonderful Oh Land play in support of her new self titled album. It's her second album, and though stylistically very similar to the first, it is a lot more fine-tuned & listenable, combining wonderful melodies & moody beats to her voice, which is dreamy. It was at X0Y0, a small venue where I previously saw Robyn, a great venue to see up and coming bands where you generally get to meet them after, and I can confirm that as well as being beautiful she is very, very sweet! If you don't know her yet - CHECK HER OUT!

My Life Motto.

Very Vanilla.

So after lots of unsuccessful dating attempts, I finally seem to have met someone that I actually quite like. He is handsome, fun to hang out with, interesting, works in the arts aswel.... There is just one aspect that doesn't really seem to be kicking off.... And that is in the bedroom!
Although my dating in recent month hasn't led to much success, in the bedroom greater things were happening, so how is it that I finally meet someone that I am absolutely interested in seeing, and there seems a to be a total lack of passion when we get naked. It's not awful, but it's very very VERY tame, and though I'm not into S&M, or things like that, I can be a bit of a tiger and expect the same passion from a lover, especially to begin with.
So our first forray between the sheets happened on date number 4 (very well behaved!).... We had spent a lovely day in the park, went for coffee & icecream, then back to mine for dinner and a little tumble. Well obviously I was a little over enthusiastic as we started kissing as his nose started bleeding all over my face after about 30 seconds! Awkward. So... wash face, wait for nose bleed to finish, and start again. Very gentle... Ok, try nibbling around ear, seems to go well, so I take a slightly harder bite on the back of his neck... That didn't go down well. Awkward moment no.2! And so it went on for 30 minutes, very easy, very gentle, slightly boring, and then he came, just as I thought we were getting started. The cuddles afterwards were much nicer, and luckily we slept well together. I decided to put this down to the fact we were both sober, and sober sex is never great if it's your first time together is it?
So round 2 I thought would be much better.... A week later we were going to a big roof terrace party, lots of drinks to be consumed, dancing, fun... And the flirtation and inuendoes in the converstaion had been promising. So at the end of the night when we went back to mine I was expectting the fireworks to finally go off! They didn't. What happened?? Had we drunk too much, danced too much, and exhausted ourselves? Or is he really just very, very vanilla?! I used to think I was vanilla.... Obviously I'm more of a stracciatella.
So not wanting to be hasty I'm sticking with it for a while.... Is it possible to get on so well with someone and for the passion to be so slight? I really hope that as we get to know each other better things will spark up, maybe all of a sudden, when I least expect it..... Pretty pretty please!

Citizen Kane.

Foster These Boys, People!

I discovered "Foster The People" while in New York a few weeks ago... Their sound has undertones of old rhythm & blues, while still sounding very modern and fresh. One of them is also quite cute. I would recomend their debut EP "Pumped Up Kids" to you all.... Enjoy!

Coming Of Age.

I recently caught up with a friend in New York who I had lived with in Milan for 6 months aged 21. She asked me, out of the blue "So, HOW is it finally being 28?" with a cheeky grin. For a minute I thought she was refering to my edging closer to 30, and then I remembered a conversation we had back in Via Denti all those years ago, where I boldly stated, that in my opinion, 28 was the perfect age for a Man. I had long forgotten this flying statement, one of many in my know-it-all youth, but actually, this was almost a prophecy of sorts! Since turning 28 last summer my confidence boomed as if overnight... I became self assured, comfortable in my own skin, appreciative of my naked body, empowered in my artistic ability, confident in my personal relations.... Had I really just been waiting for my 28th birthday all this time to come into my own? And does this mean that it's all down hill from here?? No, no... Onwards and upwards, yes, that sounds good.

Citizen Kane.

Pop Get's Interesting.

The best thing to happen to the music business is the recession! In the last year we have seen the gain of independent record companies, and bands back out on the road making money the old way: from live shows! Lot's of new interesting  music about. Here's the new video from Monarchy, one of my favourite new comers of 2010.

What Shade Are You?

Society likes to keep everything simple... It makes us feel safe. But the human psychee is so complex, is it really possible to break down sexuality into black and white? We grow up surrounded by images of what's "normal" and when we start to feel something other than that, we either try to deny and surpress those feelings, or we push to the other extreme of the pole and find confort in an identity there. But aren't there a million other shades of grey in the sprectrum between black & white, or gay and straight?
Although it is widely accepted in a woman, bisexuality in a man is much more of a taboo subject, and is often dismissed by both gay and straight people alike. I have to say, I feel absolutely comfortable in my sexuality as a gay man, and could not see myself in a relationship with a woman... But recently I found myself in a threesome with a man (also gay) and a woman. It was totally unplanned, and definitely aided by the copious amounts of champagne & tequila consumed; but in the moment I let go to what was happening, and absolutely enjoyed myself.
By the time morning came, and I had sobered up, I did feel a moment of embarassment and regret about what happened, feeling again the pressures of society to fall into a certain stereotype. But instead of hold onto that, we laughed about it, and here I am writing about it. I wonder how much freer we would all feel about sexuality if we weren't imposed certain standards as normaily? What shade would you fall into?

Citizen Kane.

Dirty Pop.

Just like Dev, I like my beats fast, and my bass down low. She is spunky and has natural attitude. I hope we hear a lot more from her in the future!! This blows the socks off Jessie J's "Do It Like A Dude", over-rated and void of personality. Check out the Aier Sauft Remix which is rather fierce!

Is a picture worth a thousand words?

Like many of my generation, for a while I surcame to the quick fix of online dating. I tried a few different sites, some were more "date" orientated, others definitely more sexual. All left me equally deluded. How many hours I lost browsing pictures, initiating forced conversations, and going on awkward dates where invariably I would make an excuse to get away ASAP. The old adage says a picture is worth a thousand words, but pictures also tell a thousand lies. No matter how attractive or confident someone would appear in photo, I rarely found this the case in real life. I think the most important thing when you meet someone is the unknowing, unplanned chemistry... You either click or you don't. And you feel it straight away. It's a glance, it's a scent. No photo's or words can ever take the place of that raw animal instinct we call attraction. I have since removed all profiles, and have gone back to meeting potential dates the old fashioned way... Face to face.

Citizen Kane.

Introduction.

I'm a 28 year old, single gay man, living in the big bad city of London. After two years here, the quest for love continues, but a lot of fun to be had along the way. I sing, write and make music. I also manage an Italian menswear brand, although in actual fact I don't really know much about fashion, but I do know about looking good. This blog will be a small glimpse into my life, and my likes. Enjoy, or be shocked, the choice is yours.

Citizen Kane.